Your second blog assignment involves writing a creative piece!
Describe a place or a situation that normally wouldn't be scary. Use imagery and specific word choices to elicit fear or a sense of dread or anxiety in the reader. Think creatively!
It wasn't this past summer but a couple years ago I read the novel 19 minutes by Jodi Picoult. Picoult is one of my favorite authors and this one of her most famous pieces. I'm choosing this book because it is still the most inspiring piece of literature I have ever read. I recommend the book to anyone as it is a great and exciting read. The novel is filled with memorable quotes that can change parts of one's mentality or life viewpoints. It revolves around a school shooting, a very relevant and current problem in our country, and also discusses the social aspects of the everyday high school society.
Dreading the cold air presssing against my skin, I finally roll out of bed and begin my teriffy weekday adventure. The annoying chiming noises from my keys as I walk out of the door makes my shrivel for the thought of going to school. Gasping for air as I walk into class before the anxiety beginings with the drowning of homework and quizes that will more than likely be thrown and piled on my plate. The monsterous list of the never ending work listed on the white board looms over me. The cold air now is wrestling against my skin as I skim throught the never ending list.
I like how you describe the "monsterous list of never ending work." I pictured a giant white board with tiny writing with details of endless assignments on it.
My favorite part is how well you described the "homework and quizzes that are piled on my plate." Any teenager can relate that to themselves of the same fear we face everyday.
You're sitting at home reading a book, the book creaks open to the page you left off, when all of a sudden the page slices into your finger. The pain is like a thousand swords stabbing into your flesh. Blood is oozing from the cut and theirs nothing you can do to prevent this tragedy, other then not reading in the first place.
I really dont want to go in. I have to. I cant be late for work. ohhh preschool, the dreadful place where kid pee and throw up on everything in sight. The place where you're forced to stand all day long, know one could sit in those little tiny desks if they tried, and if they did it would brake makeing them fall on there already broken back. Toys everywhere in sight. you cant go a day with out stepping on those leggo's. They're everywhere. In the kitchen, under the cots, and stuck under all the adults feet. the line of drool on the floor, and the smell of dipers that need to be changed.
You are backcountry skiing, it is a beutiful day, the sun is shining, fresh powder all around. You have just began your descent down the steep. Suddenly you realize something isn't right. You look up the mountain to see a wall of snow crashing down after you, it's an avalanche. You beeline down the mountain but the snow keeps coming and coming, you are up to your waist in fast-moving powder, when before you can blink you are swept off your feet, and become smothered by the snow. You come to a halt underneath multiple feet of snow and you hear the calls of rescuers above you. You yell for them, but you are too deep. Trapped in the snow for eternity...
I like how you described the snow as up to your waist and how you used the word smothered to cause fear. I could easily imagine the feeling of being smothered by snow.
A soft breeze flows through my hair. The morning sun light rests on the glossy water. The air is crisp, with an autumn scent hidden carefully. Pure serenity. I can feel the warmth of my breath as I slowely creep up to the catch. As I row up to the starting line, there is not a single thought running through my head. Click, click, click. A steady click of the oar lock with every stroke bringing me closer, and closer to that line. As I line up with the other boats, a tiny pinch in my stomache starts to arise. With every second that goes by, that pinch slowly grows; until my stomach drops. My breath is no longer warm, it is heavy and quick. I lose sensation in my fingers and toes as the adrenaline rushes to every molecule of my body. "Attention, ROW." My mind fills with fear as I pull that first stroke. My body aches, and screams at me to stop, but I know I have to keep going.
Rachel Walsh-I love the great amount of detail you put into this. Your word choice allows me to feel exactly what it is like to be the rower in the story. You created a great paragraph that struck fear into the reader. I especially love the part where you reapeated the clicking noise, it really appealed to the readers sense of sound.
The line moves forward and you take your steps to meet it. You wonder why you were ever talked into going. the attendent closes the gate with you behind it. you breath a sigh of relief as your muscles get to relax for a little while longer. As the next ride comes to a stop your breathing begins to quicken. This is the point, where your hands begin to tremble. You walk around the circle of death, looking for the least terrifying beast from the underworld. This is the point, where your knees begin to shake. You cannot decide as they all look menacing, frozen during the time when they suffered most. You worry that everyone is staring at you. you mount the demon. This is the point, of no return.
Charles A. Toy company. The best place in the world, they had toys of every kind. It was the dream of any small child to walk in and see more toys than they could dream about. All the toys seemed to sparkle in the eyes of all the children looking at them with such awe. Mia took her younger brother Lewis into the store for the first time. He became completely overwhelmed by all the toys and started to drift away from her. "Do not leave my side do you hear me?" She said with fear in her voice. It was almost as if a presidential election was going on in the store, with the mass of people around every corner. Everyone was essentially shoulder to shoulder, you could almost feel the un-comfort coming off all the people. She took Lewis's hand and they continued around the 3 leveled toy store. It seemed almost never ending. She had lewis pick out a toy he wanted, and she picked out the Living Dead Doll she had wanted for months. "Wait at the white poll next to the front door alright, i'm going to check out and then we'll go home." Mia said to Lewis. He nodded his head, indicating his understanding to her words. As she watched him walk off to the front door as she went to check out. Minutes later she finished her transaction and walked to the front of the building to see her wasn't there. "Lewis?" She said looking around the front of the store. Her heart began to race, her hands shaking from the anxiety building up inside her. "Lewis?" She said again, louder this time hoping he would hear her cry. "Lewis where are you?" She screamed as loud as she could. Her heart was beating as levels unspeakable and her eyes were filling up with warm tears of sorrow. "I'm right here relax" said a small voice softly behind her. "Thank god you're alright, why the hell did you do that? I said to stay right up here!" Mia said holding her brother close to her heart. "I was only in the bathroom jeez." Mia grabbed her brothers hand, calming herself down and left the store.
Carley Pratico I reluctently say good bye to my parents, as they slowly drive out of the driveway. I have a fake smile plastered on my face, and am fourcing my arm to wave, in a wooden good-bye. The fridged wind of Autumn cuts thrigh me like a knife that had been in the freezer. The wind whispers of the trees, like the voices of the dead, condemed to tell the tale of their horrifying deaths over and over, to people who would never understand their agganizing cries. I bolt as fast as i can through the door way of my home. The door slams shut behind me, causign the windows to tremble. I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing. After a few moments I realize that there is nothing I can to do to slow my thundering heart beat. I tentivley open my eyes and scan the familiar, yet foreign room. It was foreign being alone for the first time, Havign no adult supervision what so ever. However everything wasexactly the same. The same musty couch with the juice stains from when I was little and said that I could handle a big girl cup without spilling, the same chair were my mom would rock me back to sleep in, whenever I woke up from a nightmare, and the same clock on the mantle that hasn't work since I'd dropped it five years ago. It had belonged to my Grandfather, back when he was still alive. The clock had always frightened me. Before it broke, every hour it would play this haunting and forboding song. When my mom had brought it home and heard it chime, she said that it must be broken, cause it had never chimed so ominously. However, when she took it to the repair shop, the man said that it was in perfect condition. I would never tell my mom this,but i broke the clock on purpose. I hated how that bone chilling song played every hour. I shuddered remembering the cruel song. A drink, I thought. A drink will calm my nerves. I walked briskly to the kitchen. I grabbed a glass from the cubbord when I suddenly herad a bone chilling melody. my blood turned to ice, my hair stood on end, my grip on the glass loosened, and the cup shattered once it hit the ground. I ran towards the living roomk and stared and listened in horror to the song of the clock that hadnt worked in five years.
The walk to the food court was dreadfuly silent. Their was no chatter or the makeing of food. Not even a whisper of passbyers or that anoying cherping of a criket. Just an unnatural coolly area as he walk far there in for a place to eat. But the sudden chill that went down his back made him jump a little in the air. Than he heard it, a squeeck of a shoe, a crack than a crunch was heard. A sicking plop was heard. He walk a little more and made a turn to only slip and fall with his hand landing in something wet. He brought his hand up to see what was on it but became shock at what he saw. The dripping of dark matelic red blood from his hand to the floor jump him out of his shock only to hear the click clock of someone walking towards him. The darkness that made up the hallway seem to move away like the prey would from a predator. The man that walk was around avarage hight. He wore light blue jeans that had dark spots that covered it. A black T shirt that had flames that flicked from side to side. His dark blond hair has patches of blood in it. His eyes have a look that he never seen before. His eyes fulled with madness that can freeze you to your spot. He has a golden cross neckless hanging around his neck. The sudden move of his right hand snapped him back to reality only to seen a black shine of the handgun in his hand. The man than says "In the name of God" than every thing went black.
Carley Pratico. I love the description of the killers shirt. Making him seem like the devil, with the flames, and then the man saying "In the name of God," I loved the oxymoron of it.
Brenna Remillard The warm wind whips around my sun burnt face as I wander down the crowded beach. I walk hastily as the the sweltering sand engulfs my feet with every step I take. The beach appears to be never ending as I approach a spot to lay my towel down. I begin my journey down toward the vast ocean. Standing at shore with the chilling water caressing my feet I look out into the vast ocean. The wind picks up speed and the wave gradually get larger and larger. I'm not sure why, but I slowly make my way into the paralyzing chill of the ocean. Chest deep in the blue abyss I realize the mistake I had made. A monstrous wave is barreling toward me as I try to swim out of its destructive path. It is too late. Before I know it the viscous sea has pulled me under, dragging me against the angry, gritty sand. My heart races as I try and find a way out of the clutches of the icy blue ocean. My lungs run out of air and it feels as though I might drown, never to be seen again. I somehow manage to find my footing, but not for long. A second wave, this one much bigger then the last, crashes down on me, pulling me out once again. I use all my strength to fight against the current, but to no use. All of the sudden my lungs expand with air and my eyes burst open. I'm laying on my back on the wet sand. I cannot move. It feels as though I am paralyzed although I know I'm not. I continue to lay there, helpless, as the salty water wraps around me.
Sahar- I love the details you used here. What was most powerful to me was when you described the waves coming down at the reader. When you used the words "A monstrous wave is barreling towards me..." it felt real and I can easily picture the giant wave approaching me. You made me hook into the story when I read the first sentence.
You're waiting in line, waiting for the next ride. You cant help but hear all the screaming that's going on around you. Your hands start to quiver slightly and your legs start to feel nub. As your thinking how can something be so exhilarating but yet frightening, the ride stops in front of you. Your whole life flashes in front of you as you get on the ride. your heat is beating louder than ever as the ride starts to move.
Rachel Walsh Sitting in a cold ice cream shop. All I see is miserable, frightening employees. Their names are so dark and sinister I can not allow myself to utter them, so I just call them, "them." They stare into my soul as if they were the devil. I do not know what to do. I want my ice cold, soothing ice cream, but I do not know how to get it without going by "them."They surround me as if I were the only appealing thing left on earth. They offer me several things, but I can not take the chance. Who knows what is in that so called, "ice cream," they are giving me. My heart beats faster. Their long, black, snarley hair disgusts me. I bet some of it is lurking in the ice cream right now. I try to leave, but to do that I have to pass one of "them." Filled with disgust and fear, I get myself to walk pass the evil gates keeping me in this awful place. Once I am out, I know there is no going back into that ery place they call an ice cream shop.
Taylor Nielsen- I loved the details you used when you described the feeling of the ice cream, and when you mentioned the hair that disgusts you. It helped me imagine the scene you were describing very clearly. The way you told explained everything made me feel like I was actually in the ice cream shop too. The imagery that you used painted a vivid picture in my mind of the ice cream shop.
Sahar Shakeel The library was silent as I tiptoed in, each sign I passed by demanded for silence. But as I walked in, I was perplexed at the total emptiness there was deep inside the dwelling. I skim the area as the emptiness scream at me at how wrong the situation is. Books, readers, computer users, staff members, gone without a trace. All that was left was the silent bookcases filled with nothing. Anxiety crashed into my mind and rattled it with questions and doubt. Dreading in cold sweat I turn to leave the area. I grab the door handle and struggle to push the looming doors open. The doors rattle at my strength, but alas, denying me too pass. The doors were locked. I look behind me with my heart fluttering like a bird’s wings. I look in front of me and I see a glare of red. Crimson eyes staring back at me. “Get out”, my mind orders me. But it was too late.
Zeynep Balto I love the place you chose it made me to read following sentences of the story. And I like the way you used for the describe library. I can easily pictured your story in my mind. When you say "Book, readers, computers users,staff member..." i think is the most scary part.
It was about mid morning, and I was getting very nervous waiting for my turn to come up next. My voice was already scratched and I had been singing since the last 3 painful hours. Mrs Warner came up to each section and chose 3 other people to make up the strongest quartet she could find. She quietly walked around the floor and rolled her eyes as she did so.Of course she had to pick the sopranos last, so when it came the time, she looked quite puzzled and made these very weird noises as she began to think in her mind. Finally, those big blue eyes looked straight at me as I gulped down my nerves. She then reached out her long index finger and pointed right at me. The tip of her finger nail was painted a light navy blue with a treble clef on it. After, I could see the words coming out of her mouth as she began to say, "Now." I slowly got up from the chair and walked down to the front to only see about 100 pairs of eyes staring straight at me. Why me? What did I do wrong? The quartet made it to the front of the room, and then Mrs. Warner proceeded to play a note as our starting pitch from that old, and squeaky piano. In my head, I was thinking about what my part was and realized it was the most complicated thing ever. I took a breath and began to sing, but nothing came out. Instead, I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head and found myself face-planted on the floor. I had just fainted that I was so nervous. I can't believe this at all. How embarrassing for 100 of your closest peers to watch you try and sing something that you have worked on forever, and instead you crumble to the floor. I was picked up by the teacher, and I just came out of the worst spell ever known to man. I began to walk back to my seat and my knees buckled to the floor, and I fell once more. My parents had to be called in to pick me up. My mom was crying a roomful of tears and my dad was so shocked he didn't know what to expect. I was brought home, and went upstairs to bed. I slipped under my comfy blankets and drifted off into a exciting sleep. After that wonderful sleep, I went to go check my email. In my inbox it read, URGENT MUST READ. My heart had a little panic attack as I clicked on the email. As I got halfway done reading it, my eyes were so puffy, red and tearful. The email told me I was kicked out of Chorus and I should never return again. The only thing I could feel at that moment was embarrassment and fear, so I closed my eyes to try to let it sink in. I re-opened them and realized that was a dream because my computer was nowhere near me. Just to make sure this actually didn't happen, I walked slowly down the stairs to check my email to make sure I wouldn't have another panic attack. I in fact did get an email and it told me to get some rest and to come back ready to sing so joyfully then ever before. That definatley gave me a sign of relief and I couldn't be anymore happier. That unexpected fear turned into a really happy moment.
I just woke up. The feeling of sleep is still heavy upon me. I roll out of bed and cringe as my feet touch the chilling floor. I trudge slowly towards the bathroom and grab my toothbrush. As I open the toothpaste I can smell the sickeningly sweet smell. I can feel the toothbrush harshly scratching my mouth. I quickly rush to get dressed as I realize I'm going to be late. I open the door and cold air bites through my jacket. I walk briskly throught the morning gloom. As I near the school I realize it is saturday.
Sitting at a bus stop; there is a man looking at you. He has long gray hair and a gray mustache. One eye is gone. He is wearing a black torn fur coat. He hasn't got shoes. His socks are torn. He is just staring at you. Looking at you. There is nobody around. You don't want to look at him but you do. And when you look at him he says...
When I first enter the amusement park my heart drops as I look how high up the roller coasters are. I make my way into the kiddie area where all the kids ride the small rides. I lay my eyes onto the kiddie merry-go-round. All the kids are laughing and smiling, looking like they are having a marvelous time. I get in line and wait for my turn to come around. The worker that towers over me like a giant rips my ticket and tells me to pick my horse. As I make my way onto the merry-go-round I start to stare at all of the horses trying to find the one I want. The horses have dark, eerie eyes that look like they are death staring right into me. Almost as if they as if chasing me around and around. I pick the pretty pink sparkly horse that is less intimidating to me, and I jump on. I look down and feel like I am on top of a building. I didn't realize how high I was from the ground! The music starts and it is screaming into my ear, its almost painful. My heart is pounding and I want to get off right away. The ride is spinning around faster than I can handle. The whirling faces are zipping by me, looking scary like clowns coming after me. Finally the ride stops and I eventually make my way off of my horse. I walked away thinking to myself that I will never ride the merry-go-round again.
Carissa Jesmain A cold sweat was the first thing I felt. The contradiction was eerie and unexplained when I awakened. I threw back the covers only to find another. As I peeled back the last of the blankets I found myself drenched with the sheet shaped to me. I recalled no nightmares; no figures in the dark. So why then do I find myself in this condition? My eyes darted left, then right until I caught the window in my view. The sun shown brightly, leaving a false glimpse of the summer not days behind it. But autumn approaches and the air is cold. The tease of two seasons and too many blankets for the moderate night betray me. There is nothing to fear.
I loved your description words. You used so much detail. I can picture everything happening, I can actually feel the cold sweat and the cold air. you worded everything perfectly. I love your personification. Great Job!! :)
I long to see a water falls, and an opportunity came when my family decided to see one for our summer adventure. I'm so excited that I can't sleep that night. After hiking for more than three hours, we finally arrived and was in awe for its sheer beauty. Clear fresh water falling from above and meeting from the water below creating white mist because of the force. I took a lot of photos and waited for my body to rest before I dive in the water. I swim and swim to my hearts content and didn't notice that I was in the middle of the water falls. When I look below to glimpse at my feet, I only saw darkness. Fear started creeping in my body for I think that something might pull me down and I can never swim back up. I quickly swam for the shore. After that, I never went back to that bottomless place again and just enjoyed the part where I can still see the colored stones resting below your crystal clear water.
Rebecca Boodhoo I sit in front of a mirror staring blankly at myself trying to avoid the darting thoughts protruding in and out of my mind, while I try to pull myself together and look presentable enough to go out in public and try to enjoy myself. maybe I shouldn't go I keep thinking, itll be fun im just being stupid. As I get in the car with my friend Sarah I have a terrible feeling about this party. She pulls off and I nearly jump out of my skin. We're only a block away and my whole body has gone numb, I'm frozen. We arrive at the door of the party and I can feel my heart about to burst out of my chest. My palms are sweaty and my stomach is in knots. I walk in and the loud unbearable music is shattering my eardrums. The boiling heat from all the bodies forced into one room, I now realize this isn't all its amped up to be. Beaming glares of strobe lights blind me as I try to cross the room. What used to be enjoyable is now painful and dreadful. The people are attacking and their voices blare in my head. I can barely stand the strong undesirable scents in the room. what I once thought would be a blissfully fun place is now my own personal hell. why is this happening, does everyone feel as though I do?
The butterflies flutter through out my stomach, my heart pounding against my chest. With every second my nerves take me over, hands shaking, sweat dripping. The peircing sound of the whistle sounds the game off. That round orange ball, flying through the air into my hands as i zone into my inner baller i pound into the ground and start the game. Communicating with my team mates and getting their heads into the game and in the correct positions. The team coming together like planets orbiting in perfect symphony. Then unlike practice, the quick agile defenders looking for the ball like the vultures hovering over a piece of dead meat. The ball gets flung into the air and my legs propel me upwards to it. my hands clench it as if it were the only thing in the world. The other defenders arent giving up though, he crashes into me. sending me flying backward with force. Tumbling to the ground and the whiplash makes my neck snap. My head. My legs. My arms. The pain. The blackness swallows me as if i will never emerge
I walk down the eery, narrow and dark bus aisle on my way to another day of school. I open the heavy front doors and I am immediately hit with a cacophony of students passing. My eyes, which for the past hour I've been battling to keep open, itch from my extreme lack of needed sleep. Unnamed scary upperclassmen push past me not even looking down. I try to hug the wall as I make my way to my first class but see either intimidating students or teachers everywhere I look. The bell rings as I'm late walking into class and as I take a seat I see on the board that we have a test today.
I walk down the eery, narrow and dark bus aisle on my way to another day of school. I open the heavy front doors and I am immediately hit with a cacophony of students passing. My eyes, which for the past hour I've been battling to keep open, itch from my extreme lack of needed sleep. Unnamed scary upperclassmen push past me not even looking down. I try to hug the wall as I make my way to my first class but see either intimidating students or teachers everywhere I look. The bell rings as I'm late walking into class and as I take a seat I see on the board that we have a test today.
I walk down the eery, narrow and dark bus aisle on my way to another day of school. I open the heavy front doors and I am immediately hit with a cacophony of students passing. My eyes, which for the past hour I've been battling to keep open, itch from my extreme lack of needed sleep. Unnamed scary upperclassmen push past me not even looking down. I try to hug the wall as I make my way to my first class but see either intimidating students or teachers everywhere I look. The bell rings as I'm late walking into class and as I take a seat I see on the board that we have a test today.
The empty street stretches on for what seemed like forever. The tall leafless trees cast dark shadows in the moonlight. There is no noise, except for the soft whooshing of the night wind and the thumping sound my heavy shoes made. Goosebumps creep up my arm as I tromp down the seemingly lifeless road. There is a bitter taste in my mouth as I take long, rushed strides, trying to keep my racing heart from beating out of my chest. Every unanticipated noise strikes panic in my stomach, every unexpected shapes makes me jump.
So imagine that you're driving through a tight, brush covered trail in the woods, you're riding high in your lifted pickup on a set of 35" super swampers making your way back through the maze of trails that branch off in every direction to find your way to the main roads after a long, dirty day of mudding. You're in 4 high making your way up through the dried trails with no problem at all, but then it happens. You take the wrong trail without even realizing, 50 feet too short of the right trail. You end up going down the trail just to get to the end where a 10 foot tall wall of cattails and muddy swamp land separates you from the road out. With trees and brush tight on each side it makes it impossible to turn around or even back out to find the right trail. So then you decide to risk it and bogg your way through the unknown depths of the swamp. Not knowing whether there are logs or stumps that can cripple you truck hiding just beneath the water, so u drop her down in 4 low, pop her down into 1 st and ease her into the murky and muddy water. Before its too late with the muddy water just licking the top of the tires you put your foot to the floor and bog it out. Mud flinging everywhere from all four tires, Flying up and over the cab completely covering every last inch of the truck until you cant tell its original color, and you can barely see through the windshield only through where the wipers can reach. Finally you make it to the other side of the swamp, covered in mud but finally you're out.
Stephen Pearse
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't this past summer but a couple years ago I read the novel 19 minutes by Jodi Picoult. Picoult is one of my favorite authors and this one of her most famous pieces. I'm choosing this book because it is still the most inspiring piece of literature I have ever read. I recommend the book to anyone as it is a great and exciting read. The novel is filled with memorable quotes that can change parts of one's mentality or life viewpoints. It revolves around a school shooting, a very relevant and current problem in our country, and also discusses the social aspects of the everyday high school society.
Cindy Dam
ReplyDeleteDreading the cold air presssing against my skin, I finally roll out of bed and begin my teriffy weekday adventure. The annoying chiming noises from my keys as I walk out of the door makes my shrivel for the thought of going to school. Gasping for air as I walk into class before the anxiety beginings with the drowning of homework and quizes that will more than likely be thrown and piled on my plate. The monsterous list of the never ending work listed on the white board looms over me. The cold air now is wrestling against my skin as I skim throught the never ending list.
I like how you describe the "monsterous list of never ending work." I pictured a giant white board with tiny writing with details of endless assignments on it.
DeleteMy favorite part is how well you described the "homework and quizzes that are piled on my plate." Any teenager can relate that to themselves of the same fear we face everyday.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTyler Gibson
ReplyDeleteYou're sitting at home reading a book, the book creaks open to the page you left off, when all of a sudden the page slices into your finger. The pain is like a thousand swords stabbing into your flesh. Blood is oozing from the cut and theirs nothing you can do to prevent this tragedy, other then not reading in the first place.
Very good detail decribing the pain
Deletegood details. I liked the way you described pain " the pain is like a thousand swords stabbing into your flesh."
DeleteAbbey Cloutier
ReplyDeleteI really dont want to go in. I have to. I cant be late for work. ohhh preschool, the dreadful place where kid pee and throw up on everything in sight. The place where you're forced to stand all day long, know one could sit in those little tiny desks if they tried, and if they did it would brake makeing them fall on there already broken back. Toys everywhere in sight. you cant go a day with out stepping on those leggo's. They're everywhere. In the kitchen, under the cots, and stuck under all the adults feet. the line of drool on the floor, and the smell of dipers that need to be changed.
Few spelling and grammatical errors, besides this good describing of the objects in a classroom.
DeleteYou are backcountry skiing, it is a beutiful day, the sun is shining, fresh powder all around. You have just began your descent down the steep. Suddenly you realize something isn't right. You look up the mountain to see a wall of snow crashing down after you, it's an avalanche. You beeline down the mountain but the snow keeps coming and coming, you are up to your waist in fast-moving powder, when before you can blink you are swept off your feet, and become smothered by the snow. You come to a halt underneath multiple feet of snow and you hear the calls of rescuers above you. You yell for them, but you are too deep. Trapped in the snow for eternity...
ReplyDeleteAndrew Canavan
DeleteI like how you described the snow as up to your waist and how you used the word smothered to cause fear. I could easily imagine the feeling of being smothered by snow.
A soft breeze flows through my hair. The morning sun light rests on the glossy water. The air is crisp, with an autumn scent hidden carefully. Pure serenity. I can feel the warmth of my breath as I slowely creep up to the catch. As I row up to the starting line, there is not a single thought running through my head. Click, click, click. A steady click of the oar lock with every stroke bringing me closer, and closer to that line. As I line up with the other boats, a tiny pinch in my stomache starts to arise. With every second that goes by, that pinch slowly grows; until my stomach drops. My breath is no longer warm, it is heavy and quick. I lose sensation in my fingers and toes as the adrenaline rushes to every molecule of my body. "Attention, ROW." My mind fills with fear as I pull that first stroke. My body aches, and screams at me to stop, but I know I have to keep going.
ReplyDeleteRachel Walsh-I love the great amount of detail you put into this. Your word choice allows me to feel exactly what it is like to be the rower in the story. You created a great paragraph that struck fear into the reader. I especially love the part where you reapeated the clicking noise, it really appealed to the readers sense of sound.
DeleteThe line moves forward and you take your steps to meet it. You wonder why you were ever talked into going. the attendent closes the gate with you behind it. you breath a sigh of relief as your muscles get to relax for a little while longer. As the next ride comes to a stop your breathing begins to quicken. This is the point, where your hands begin to tremble. You walk around the circle of death, looking for the least terrifying beast from the underworld. This is the point, where your knees begin to shake. You cannot decide as they all look menacing, frozen during the time when they suffered most. You worry that everyone is staring at you. you mount the demon. This is the point, of no return.
ReplyDeleteCharles A. Toy company. The best place in the world, they had toys of every kind. It was the dream of any small child to walk in and see more toys than they could dream about. All the toys seemed to sparkle in the eyes of all the children looking at them with such awe. Mia took her younger brother Lewis into the store for the first time. He became completely overwhelmed by all the toys and started to drift away from her. "Do not leave my side do you hear me?" She said with fear in her voice. It was almost as if a presidential election was going on in the store, with the mass of people around every corner. Everyone was essentially shoulder to shoulder, you could almost feel the un-comfort coming off all the people. She took Lewis's hand and they continued around the 3 leveled toy store. It seemed almost never ending. She had lewis pick out a toy he wanted, and she picked out the Living Dead Doll she had wanted for months. "Wait at the white poll next to the front door alright, i'm going to check out and then we'll go home." Mia said to Lewis. He nodded his head, indicating his understanding to her words. As she watched him walk off to the front door as she went to check out. Minutes later she finished her transaction and walked to the front of the building to see her wasn't there. "Lewis?" She said looking around the front of the store. Her heart began to race, her hands shaking from the anxiety building up inside her. "Lewis?" She said again, louder this time hoping he would hear her cry. "Lewis where are you?" She screamed as loud as she could. Her heart was beating as levels unspeakable and her eyes were filling up with warm tears of sorrow. "I'm right here relax" said a small voice softly behind her. "Thank god you're alright, why the hell did you do that? I said to stay right up here!" Mia said holding her brother close to her heart. "I was only in the bathroom jeez." Mia grabbed her brothers hand, calming herself down and left the store.
ReplyDeleteReally good and detailed. Did a good job telling a story.
DeleteCarley Pratico
ReplyDeleteI reluctently say good bye to my parents, as they slowly drive out of the driveway. I have a fake smile plastered on my face, and am fourcing my arm to wave, in a wooden good-bye. The fridged wind of Autumn cuts thrigh me like a knife that had been in the freezer. The wind whispers of the trees, like the voices of the dead, condemed to tell the tale of their horrifying deaths over and over, to people who would never understand their agganizing cries. I bolt as fast as i can through the door way of my home. The door slams shut behind me, causign the windows to tremble. I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing. After a few moments I realize that there is nothing I can to do to slow my thundering heart beat. I tentivley open my eyes and scan the familiar, yet foreign room. It was foreign being alone for the first time, Havign no adult supervision what so ever. However everything wasexactly the same. The same musty couch with the juice stains from when I was little and said that I could handle a big girl cup without spilling, the same chair were my mom would rock me back to sleep in, whenever I woke up from a nightmare, and the same clock on the mantle that hasn't work since I'd dropped it five years ago. It had belonged to my Grandfather, back when he was still alive. The clock had always frightened me. Before it broke, every hour it would play this haunting and forboding song. When my mom had brought it home and heard it chime, she said that it must be broken, cause it had never chimed so ominously. However, when she took it to the repair shop, the man said that it was in perfect condition. I would never tell my mom this,but i broke the clock on purpose. I hated how that bone chilling song played every hour. I shuddered remembering the cruel song. A drink, I thought. A drink will calm my nerves. I walked briskly to the kitchen. I grabbed a glass from the cubbord when I suddenly herad a bone chilling melody. my blood turned to ice, my hair stood on end, my grip on the glass loosened, and the cup shattered once it hit the ground. I ran towards the living roomk and stared and listened in horror to the song of the clock that hadnt worked in five years.
Evan Goodspeed
ReplyDeleteThe walk to the food court was dreadfuly silent. Their was no chatter or the makeing of food. Not even a whisper of passbyers or that anoying cherping of a criket. Just an unnatural coolly area as he walk far there in for a place to eat. But the sudden chill that went down his back made him jump a little in the air. Than he heard it, a squeeck of a shoe, a crack than a crunch was heard. A sicking plop was heard. He walk a little more and made a turn to only slip and fall with his hand landing in something wet. He brought his hand up to see what was on it but became shock at what he saw. The dripping of dark matelic red blood from his hand to the floor jump him out of his shock only to hear the click clock of someone walking towards him. The darkness that made up the hallway seem to move away like the prey would from a predator. The man that walk was around avarage hight. He wore light blue jeans that had dark spots that covered it. A black T shirt that had flames that flicked from side to side. His dark blond hair has patches of blood in it. His eyes have a look that he never seen before. His eyes fulled with madness that can freeze you to your spot. He has a golden cross neckless hanging around his neck. The sudden move of his right hand snapped him back to reality only to seen a black shine of the handgun in his hand. The man than says "In the name of God" than every thing went black.
Carley Pratico.
DeleteI love the description of the killers shirt. Making him seem like the devil, with the flames, and then the man saying "In the name of God," I loved the oxymoron of it.
Brenna Remillard
ReplyDeleteThe warm wind whips around my sun burnt face as I wander down the crowded beach. I walk hastily as the the sweltering sand engulfs my feet with every step I take. The beach appears to be never ending as I approach a spot to lay my towel down. I begin my journey down toward the vast ocean. Standing at shore with the chilling water caressing my feet I look out into the vast ocean. The wind picks up speed and the wave gradually get larger and larger. I'm not sure why, but I slowly make my way into the paralyzing chill of the ocean. Chest deep in the blue abyss I realize the mistake I had made. A monstrous wave is barreling toward me as I try to swim out of its destructive path. It is too late. Before I know it the viscous sea has pulled me under, dragging me against the angry, gritty sand. My heart races as I try and find a way out of the clutches of the icy blue ocean. My lungs run out of air and it feels as though I might drown, never to be seen again. I somehow manage to find my footing, but not for long. A second wave, this one much bigger then the last, crashes down on me, pulling me out once again. I use all my strength to fight against the current, but to no use. All of the sudden my lungs expand with air and my eyes burst open. I'm laying on my back on the wet sand. I cannot move. It feels as though I am paralyzed although I know I'm not. I continue to lay there, helpless, as the salty water wraps around me.
Sahar- I love the details you used here. What was most powerful to me was when you described the waves coming down at the reader. When you used the words "A monstrous wave is barreling towards me..." it felt real and I can easily picture the giant wave approaching me. You made me hook into the story when I read the first sentence.
DeleteYou're waiting in line, waiting for the next ride. You cant help but hear all the screaming that's going on around you. Your hands start to quiver slightly and your legs start to feel nub. As your thinking how can something be so exhilarating but yet frightening, the ride stops in front of you. Your whole life flashes in front of you as you get on the ride. your heat is beating louder than ever as the ride starts to move.
ReplyDeleteRachel Walsh
ReplyDeleteSitting in a cold ice cream shop. All I see is miserable, frightening employees. Their names are so dark and sinister I can not allow myself to utter them, so I just call them, "them." They stare into my soul as if they were the devil. I do not know what to do. I want my ice cold, soothing ice cream, but I do not know how to get it without going by "them."They surround me as if I were the only appealing thing left on earth. They offer me several things, but I can not take the chance. Who knows what is in that so called, "ice cream," they are giving me. My heart beats faster. Their long, black, snarley hair disgusts me. I bet some of it is lurking in the ice cream right now. I try to leave, but to do that I have to pass one of "them." Filled with disgust and fear, I get myself to walk pass the evil gates keeping me in this awful place. Once I am out, I know there is no going back into that ery place they call an ice cream shop.
Taylor Nielsen- I loved the details you used when you described the feeling of the ice cream, and when you mentioned the hair that disgusts you. It helped me imagine the scene you were describing very clearly. The way you told explained everything made me feel like I was actually in the ice cream shop too. The imagery that you used painted a vivid picture in my mind of the ice cream shop.
DeleteSahar Shakeel
ReplyDeleteThe library was silent as I tiptoed in, each sign I passed by demanded for silence. But as I walked in, I was perplexed at the total emptiness there was deep inside the dwelling. I skim the area as the emptiness scream at me at how wrong the situation is. Books, readers, computer users, staff members, gone without a trace. All that was left was the silent bookcases filled with nothing. Anxiety crashed into my mind and rattled it with questions and doubt. Dreading in cold sweat I turn to leave the area. I grab the door handle and struggle to push the looming doors open. The doors rattle at my strength, but alas, denying me too pass. The doors were locked. I look behind me with my heart fluttering like a bird’s wings. I look in front of me and I see a glare of red. Crimson eyes staring back at me. “Get out”, my mind orders me. But it was too late.
Zeynep Balto
DeleteI love the place you chose it made me to read following sentences of the story. And I like the way you used for the describe library. I can easily pictured your story in my mind. When you say "Book, readers, computers users,staff member..." i think is the most scary part.
It was about mid morning, and I was getting very nervous waiting for my turn to come up next. My voice was already scratched and I had been singing since the last 3 painful hours. Mrs Warner came up to each section and chose 3 other people to make up the strongest quartet she could find. She quietly walked around the floor and rolled her eyes as she did so.Of course she had to pick the sopranos last, so when it came the time, she looked quite puzzled and made these very weird noises as she began to think in her mind. Finally, those big blue eyes looked straight at me as I gulped down my nerves. She then reached out her long index finger and pointed right at me. The tip of her finger nail was painted a light navy blue with a treble clef on it. After, I could see the words coming out of her mouth as she began to say, "Now." I slowly got up from the chair and walked down to the front to only see about 100 pairs of eyes staring straight at me. Why me? What did I do wrong? The quartet made it to the front of the room, and then Mrs. Warner proceeded to play a note as our starting pitch from that old, and squeaky piano. In my head, I was thinking about what my part was and realized it was the most complicated thing ever. I took a breath and began to sing, but nothing came out. Instead, I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head and found myself face-planted on the floor. I had just fainted that I was so nervous. I can't believe this at all. How embarrassing for 100 of your closest peers to watch you try and sing something that you have worked on forever, and instead you crumble to the floor. I was picked up by the teacher, and I just came out of the worst spell ever known to man. I began to walk back to my seat and my knees buckled to the floor, and I fell once more. My parents had to be called in to pick me up. My mom was crying a roomful of tears and my dad was so shocked he didn't know what to expect. I was brought home, and went upstairs to bed. I slipped under my comfy blankets and drifted off into a exciting sleep. After that wonderful sleep, I went to go check my email. In my inbox it read, URGENT MUST READ. My heart had a little panic attack as I clicked on the email. As I got halfway done reading it, my eyes were so puffy, red and tearful. The email told me I was kicked out of Chorus and I should never return again. The only thing I could feel at that moment was embarrassment and fear, so I closed my eyes to try to let it sink in. I re-opened them and realized that was a dream because my computer was nowhere near me. Just to make sure this actually didn't happen, I walked slowly down the stairs to check my email to make sure I wouldn't have another panic attack. I in fact did get an email and it told me to get some rest and to come back ready to sing so joyfully then ever before. That definatley gave me a sign of relief and I couldn't be anymore happier. That unexpected fear turned into a really happy moment.
ReplyDeleteAndrew Canavan
ReplyDeleteI just woke up. The feeling of sleep is still heavy upon me. I roll out of bed and cringe as my feet touch the chilling floor. I trudge slowly towards the bathroom and grab my toothbrush. As I open the toothpaste I can smell the sickeningly sweet smell. I can feel the toothbrush harshly scratching my mouth. I quickly rush to get dressed as I realize I'm going to be late. I open the door and cold air bites through my jacket. I walk briskly throught the morning gloom. As I near the school I realize it is saturday.
Zeynep Balto
ReplyDeleteSitting at a bus stop; there is a man looking at you. He has long gray hair and a gray mustache. One eye is gone. He is wearing a black torn fur coat. He hasn't got shoes. His socks are torn. He is just staring at you. Looking at you. There is nobody around. You don't want to look at him but you do. And when you look at him he says...
Taylor Nielsen
ReplyDeleteWhen I first enter the amusement park my heart drops as I look how high up the roller coasters are. I make my way into the kiddie area where all the kids ride the small rides. I lay my eyes onto the kiddie merry-go-round. All the kids are laughing and smiling, looking like they are having a marvelous time. I get in line and wait for my turn to come around. The worker that towers over me like a giant rips my ticket and tells me to pick my horse. As I make my way onto the merry-go-round I start to stare at all of the horses trying to find the one I want. The horses have dark, eerie eyes that look like they are death staring right into me. Almost as if they as if chasing me around and around. I pick the pretty pink sparkly horse that is less intimidating to me, and I jump on. I look down and feel like I am on top of a building. I didn't realize how high I was from the ground! The music starts and it is screaming into my ear, its almost painful. My heart is pounding and I want to get off right away. The ride is spinning around faster than I can handle. The whirling faces are zipping by me, looking scary like clowns coming after me. Finally the ride stops and I eventually make my way off of my horse. I walked away thinking to myself that I will never ride the merry-go-round again.
Carissa Jesmain
ReplyDeleteA cold sweat was the first thing I felt. The contradiction was eerie and unexplained when I awakened. I threw back the covers only to find another. As I peeled back the last of the blankets I found myself drenched with the sheet shaped to me. I recalled no nightmares; no figures in the dark. So why then do I find myself in this condition? My eyes darted left, then right until I caught the window in my view. The sun shown brightly, leaving a false glimpse of the summer not days behind it. But autumn approaches and the air is cold. The tease of two seasons and too many blankets for the moderate night betray me. There is nothing to fear.
I loved your description words. You used so much detail. I can picture everything happening, I can actually feel the cold sweat and the cold air. you worded everything perfectly. I love your personification. Great Job!! :)
DeleteRadine Anne Nieva
ReplyDeleteI long to see a water falls, and an opportunity came when my family decided to see one
for our summer adventure. I'm so excited that I can't sleep that night. After hiking for more than three hours, we finally arrived and was in awe for its sheer beauty. Clear fresh water falling from above and meeting from the water below creating white mist because of the force. I took a lot of photos and waited for my body to rest before I dive in the water. I swim and swim to my hearts content and didn't notice that I was in the middle of the water falls. When I look below to glimpse at my feet, I only saw darkness. Fear started creeping in my body for I think that something might pull me down and I can never swim back up. I quickly swam for the shore. After that, I never went back to that bottomless place again and just enjoyed the part where I can still see the colored stones resting below your crystal clear water.
Rebecca Boodhoo
ReplyDeleteI sit in front of a mirror staring blankly at myself trying to avoid the darting
thoughts protruding in and out of my mind, while I try to pull myself together
and look presentable enough to go out in public and try to enjoy myself. maybe I
shouldn't go I keep thinking, itll be fun im just being stupid. As I get in the
car with my friend Sarah I have a terrible feeling about this party. She pulls
off and I nearly jump out of my skin. We're only a block away and my whole body
has gone numb, I'm frozen. We arrive at the door of the party and I can feel my
heart about to burst out of my chest. My palms are sweaty and my stomach is in
knots. I walk in and the loud unbearable music is shattering my eardrums. The
boiling heat from all the bodies forced into one room, I now realize this isn't
all its amped up to be. Beaming glares of strobe lights blind me as I try to
cross the room. What used to be enjoyable is now painful and dreadful. The
people are attacking and their voices blare in my head. I can barely stand the
strong undesirable scents in the room. what I once thought would be a blissfully
fun place is now my own personal hell. why is this happening, does everyone feel
as though I do?
The butterflies flutter through out my stomach, my heart pounding against my chest. With every second my nerves take me over, hands shaking, sweat dripping. The peircing sound of the whistle sounds the game off. That round orange ball, flying through the air into my hands as i zone into my inner baller i pound into the ground and start the game. Communicating with my team mates and getting their heads into the game and in the correct positions. The team coming together like planets orbiting in perfect symphony. Then unlike practice, the quick agile defenders looking for the ball like the vultures hovering over a piece of dead meat. The ball gets flung into the air and my legs propel me upwards to it. my hands clench it as if it were the only thing in the world. The other defenders arent giving up though, he crashes into me. sending me flying backward with force. Tumbling to the ground and the whiplash makes my neck snap. My head. My legs. My arms. The pain. The blackness swallows me as if i will never emerge
ReplyDeleteI walk down the eery, narrow and dark bus aisle on my way to another day of school. I open the heavy front doors and I am immediately hit with a cacophony of students passing. My eyes, which for the past hour I've been battling to keep open, itch from my extreme lack of needed sleep. Unnamed scary upperclassmen push past me not even looking down. I try to hug the wall as I make my way to my first class but see either intimidating students or teachers everywhere I look. The bell rings as I'm late walking into class and as I take a seat I see on the board that we have a test today.
ReplyDeleteI walk down the eery, narrow and dark bus aisle on my way to another day of school. I open the heavy front doors and I am immediately hit with a cacophony of students passing. My eyes, which for the past hour I've been battling to keep open, itch from my extreme lack of needed sleep. Unnamed scary upperclassmen push past me not even looking down. I try to hug the wall as I make my way to my first class but see either intimidating students or teachers everywhere I look. The bell rings as I'm late walking into class and as I take a seat I see on the board that we have a test today.
ReplyDeleteI walk down the eery, narrow and dark bus aisle on my way to another day of school. I open the heavy front doors and I am immediately hit with a cacophony of students passing. My eyes, which for the past hour I've been battling to keep open, itch from my extreme lack of needed sleep. Unnamed scary upperclassmen push past me not even looking down. I try to hug the wall as I make my way to my first class but see either intimidating students or teachers everywhere I look. The bell rings as I'm late walking into class and as I take a seat I see on the board that we have a test today.
ReplyDeleteThe empty street stretches on for what seemed like forever. The tall leafless trees cast dark shadows in the moonlight. There is no noise, except for the soft whooshing of the night wind and the thumping sound my heavy shoes made. Goosebumps creep up my arm as I tromp down the seemingly lifeless road. There is a bitter taste in my mouth as I take long, rushed strides, trying to keep my racing heart from beating out of my chest. Every unanticipated noise strikes panic in my stomach, every unexpected shapes makes me jump.
ReplyDeleteSo imagine that you're driving through a tight, brush covered trail in the woods, you're riding high in your lifted pickup on a set of 35" super swampers making your way back through the maze of trails that branch off in every direction to find your way to the main roads after a long, dirty day of mudding. You're in 4 high making your way up through the dried trails with no problem at all, but then it happens. You take the wrong trail without even realizing, 50 feet too short of the right trail. You end up going down the trail just to get to the end where a 10 foot tall wall of cattails and muddy swamp land separates you from the road out. With trees and brush tight on each side it makes it impossible to turn around or even back out to find the right trail. So then you decide to risk it and bogg your way through the unknown depths of the swamp. Not knowing whether there are logs or stumps that can cripple you truck hiding just beneath the water, so u drop her down in 4 low, pop her down into 1 st and ease her into the murky and muddy water. Before its too late with the muddy water just licking the top of the tires you put your foot to the floor and bog it out. Mud flinging everywhere from all four tires, Flying up and over the cab completely covering every last inch of the truck until you cant tell its original color, and you can barely see through the windshield only through where the wipers can reach. Finally you make it to the other side of the swamp, covered in mud but finally you're out.
ReplyDelete